The secrets of Resilience

· Happiness

Making mistakes, experiencing setbacks and failures are part of our lives. Only through adversity in our life we learn to resolve issues and have the ability to grow. The more often we come across those challenges the easier it becomes to deal with them.

I personally have learned over the years to deal with any setback that comes into my life directly and swiftly. I have come to a point where I do not think anymore why does it happen to me. I know it happens because it is once again time to learn from my mistakes.

1st tip: Only recently I noticed that I was having three obstacles to deal with at the same time. I wrote them down and decided which one needs to be dealt with urgently and which one is the least urgent one to tackle. Then I get on with solving the most important issue until I have reached the desired outcome.

According to the Psychological Association, resilience is "the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress - such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors."

This definition resonates with me. Adversity can come out of nowhere from anywhere. It can arise from any situation in life. You can be made redundant from one day to another. You might break your leg and have to wear a plaster for six weeks or longer. You might wake up in the morning and find a leak from behind the washing machine in your kitchen.

But how do you want to deal with it effectively?

I have already mentioned my secret recipe to dealing with more than one obstacle. Making a list and put the obstacles into order is a fantastic idea as it gives you clarity of the situations that are really going on in your life and what needs to be resolved first. It takes your mental stress away and you will be able to sleep at night.

My 2nd tip is that you stop worrying. I know that this is not an easy task. Especially we women are "worriers" because this seems to be in our nature. But letting go of worry will help you to think clear about the situation that needs to be resolved. If something is bugging you, say to yourself out loud "STOP". And change the negative thought into something positive.

My 3rd tip is positive self-talk. You can say to yourself that "the situation is easy to resolve. I can do this in no time and I will be back to my normal life." The more positive you think about your daily life the easier it is to resolve any obstacle.

My 4th tip is to cultivate a strong social network. You may have friends in your inner circle who are practical people who can fix pipes and deal with leaks. Find friends who are good at dealing with finances. Think about what skills your current circle of friends have. Maybe widen your social network to have more options.

My 5th tip is to have a sense of purpose. The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "He who has a why to live for, can bear almost any how." These are wise words and are so true. People who are defending their purpose in life tend to be more resilient that those who don't have such a mission. If you are fighting for something you believe in, you can be pretty darn strong. I can vouch for that.

In summary we can say that resilient people have an approach to life that is characterized by realistic optimism, self-confidence, a sense of humour, and finding meaning even in negative experiences.

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