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How to deal with inner conflict

First scenario: Lets assume that you are invited to go to a friend's party on Saturday night. You have not seen your friend in a while and you would love to join her party. But on the other hand you are reluctantly to accept the invite because you have never told her that you don't feel comfortable being at large parties. And your friend is a party animal. She loves loud music, and she enjoys chatting to hundreds of people at a noisy party.

So, you may think that one part of you wants to attend the party, but the other part is not feeling up to it. You may come up with the idea to make up excuses. But what could you do on the other hand?

Have you ever felt that way and did not know how to resolve the issue? The chances are that you have called your friend and told her that you are not feeling too well. Making up a story does not help you in the long run. As a general tip, honesty towards your friend and yourself is the best option.

Second scenario: You have been in your job for more than ten years and you feel that it may be time to move on. You start thinking about the perks your job has, but the wages have not been increased in a while. You become to feel as if you are in a dead end job and want to move on.

One part of you tells you that it is time to look for work that brings you more joy and happiness. You want to have more freedom and at the same time you want to earn more money. You are indecisive and have doubts about applying for another job. You have not been applying for job interviews for a while. Fear arises and you decide to stay in your current job.

When you absolutely do not know what to do, I suggest that you examine both thought processes to gain clarity of what you really want.

Try this exercise next time you feel like doing something and at the same time you feel as if you do not want to.

So, how can you deal with this situation and resolve the issue?

Whenever I have a customer I ask her to metaphorically place one conflict in each hand. Palms need to face upwards to show what you mean by the instruction.

Then visualize an image of each conflict and ask yourself what it looks like, what it feels and sound like. Which conflict feels heavier and why. Describe those parts in detail.

Think about how you can resolve each conflict. What resources do you already have to resolve the issue. What support do you have and where can you get more relevant support?

Decide which conflict is the most important and resolve that issue first.

Think about your long term goal. By what age do you want to have your own family or by what date do I want to leave work and live my life's purpose? Become very clear about your future goals. Then resolve the inner conflict you are currently dealing with.

Achieving what we desire in life always begins by setting the goal and then work on the challenges that come in between our goal and reality.

Other questions to ponder on are:

1) What is this conflict doing for you?

2) Does this conflict really serve me?

3) How could you satisfy the positive intent in a different way?

4) How will things improve if you deal with this inner conflict?

(questions taken from "50 top tools for coaching")

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